The Gallery

I really thought i knew how to say this... how to just fucking get outta my system... but i cant. As the saying goes "a picture paints a thousand words"... I dont think a thousand words would cut it. so here's my story of the past 18mths.

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before i met you, my life was black and white. i threw my patched heart some place i'd never go to retrieve.

day by day, i felt myself falling and falling from the world. life was but a nightmare of death.

it happened so sudden, but you came. brought me to my feet. filled my life with hope.

we were oddly in love. so mismatched yet so true. best of all, i knew i loved you too when you said you loved me.

things got bad. we had our problems. personal matters forced us apart. nothing was willing to go right in our favour.
it didnt take too long. and you left.
things from then on was just blurred. my future was clouded. i just couldnt see ahead.
i cried my days to nights, my nights to days. though permanently tear streaked, yet i couldnt stop them from falling.
my life was upside down. i didnt konw day from night. i just laid there watching time past. ticking... without you.

it felt like all my dreams had been shattered when my heart had been broken. no dream was a dream if it were a dream without you.

messed up as i was, i just fucked my life as it is. bad enough as it was, i made the worst of it.

i got from emo, to fucked up. next, i just got numb. i stared and spaced. i didnt think.

my numbness turned to my heartache into physical pain. scissors blade or tin. i had them all.

you made my life a living hell. but i fucked up more to get your attention.

when i picked myself back off the ground. i told myself. ill be well for when you come back into my arms.

took me some time, to come to my senses. i was myself again. the the self you knew. strong. confident. back on my feet.the disappointment from you, made my feelings for you fade and fade and fade... wilthering. fading...

at that time. it was you. huh... fuck you. (:

i moved on with my life. as you had yours. *clearly you had*

i thought i was fine with it. until i saw you with her. i feeling that i feel inside. just makes me feel how come she got the better deal?

i just feel so lost again. what couldve...?

i know i dont want you. but doesnt mean i lost all my love for you.

~ Thinking of You - Katy Perry
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.